Funny Status Ideas

There's no better way to announce to the world you seek its approval than to scream you don't need it. A fish never claims it is a swimmer.

Tomorrow is less than an hour away in my time zone, so screw you Annie. Tomorrow is not always a day away.

My life is an open book. Of course, I have it dog-eared to the page I want you to see, but still.

I like to think I'm a pretty honest person, except when my dental hygienist asks me how often I've been flossing.

Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look badass.

Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.

Let my little brother take my paddle to school for show and tell. Mom called to tell me he got sent home for "trying to haze the red headed kids at recess."