Funny Status Ideas

Pizza jokes are all about delivery.

Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.

A REALLY smart phone would have cut me off before I asked my wife "Have you been gaining weight?

As clever as they are, you'd think the Scooby-Doo gang could better identify cheap rubber masks.

Compassion is a deep desire to see others relieved of suffering; love is the other facet, a strong wish to see others happy.

I'm pretty sure that Animal from the Muppets is Elmo's long-lost, crackhead biological father.

I just saw a "Git-R-Done" bumper sticker on a Prius and I don't know what's real anymore.