Funny Status Ideas

Adults never get excited anymore about how big I got since they last saw me :(

If you tweet a picture of a meal you're about to eat, you have to also tweet a pic of the dump you take the next day.

I felt kind of sad sitting in a restaurant alone eating lunch, then I saw a woman with 6 kids and I felt fucking awesome.

If reincarnation exists, the next level up from humans better be dinosaurs.

Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

A real man gives up one night stands for a woman he can't stand one night without.

WARNING PLEASE READ - I don't usually repost these but... If someone comes to your front door and asks you to remove your clothes and dance with your arms in the air, DO NOT do this, it is a scam, they just want to see you naked. Please copy and paste this to your status - I wish I had received this yesterday. I feel like an idiot now...