Funny Status Ideas

I read to blind kids in my spare time. Their favorite book is "2dots1dot3dots 4dots3dots 5dots2dots1dot 2dots1dot5dots."

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

I sent a tweet via text message 45 minutes ago and it still hasn't gone through yet. I think my phone may've unfollowed me.

Of all the properties of art, relevance may be the least relevant.

I can find inspiration in almost anything. Granted, it may be the inspiration to punch someone but it's still pretty powerful.

A recent study shows that having sex every day improves the quality of the sperm. My son will ride the short bus all the way to his grave.

I always forget that people's avatars are pretty much the HOTTEST they've ever looked.