Funny Status Ideas

Tomorrow marks the 207th anniversary of the Burr-Hamilton duel. Given current political impasses, why can't we bring this tradition back?

When do I know I'm a full adult? Is it when I buy a house, or when I stop substituting popcorn for a meal?

While sitting on the couch with my wife rhythmically flipping through channels, I hope that extra 3 second pause on boobs isn't noticeable.

Heard someone talking about their "O" face. Immediately assumed they meant Oreos and chimed in proclaiming my love for double-stuffed. What?

I just realized no matter how nice your father-in-law is, he'll always hate you a little for banging his daughter.

Do they make "Kiss the meth cook" aprons? I wanna get a housewarming present for the inbred rednecks moving into the trailer next door.

Why rappers haven't done a song over the beat a car alarm plays is beyond me.