Funny Status Ideas

I worry someone has already tweeted a cure for cancer but there was a typo so we just sighed and moved on

You can make your fat friend exercise by changing his cell phone ring to the sound of an approaching ice cream truck.

How pissed do you think homeless people get when the song "Mo Money, Mo Problems" comes on?

I started setting up my Google+ account this weekend. I think it's cute how Google plays dumb and asks me to fill in my personal information.

If your glass is always half empty, buy smaller glasses.

I want a massage, so I'm going to tape scratch-offs to my back to lure in some unsuspecting gas station vagrants.

Reminder to myself: Just because they’re called “Tramp Stamps” doesn’t mean you can lick ‘em.