Funny Status Ideas

I consider myself fairly well-spoken until I have to leave a voicemail and all of a sudden the only thing I'm fluent in is verbal diarrhea.

I feel like I'm disappointing Bear Grylls every time I flush the toilet.

I am a bit of a bullshit artist myself, but go ahead with your story.

Ebay announced they’ll be starting up a social networking site too. If you join, nobody follows you until the last 2 minutes of every day.

Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job? What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?

When you're wrapping presents and you run out of paper, if you don't use the left over tube as a weapon, you're doing it wrong.

I don't understand how Casey Anthony and O.J. can get off for murder and I can't even get out of jury duty. Oh... wait, maybe I do.