Funny Status Ideas

You know you are getting old when your back goes out more than you do.

Nothing gets me closer to murder than pedestrians who are out pacing me while I sit in traffic.

Like a good chef, I'd probably be one of those pharmacists who enjoy sampling their work. Y'know, to make sure it's good for the customer...

Nothing says "Do not trust this local bank." like a man wearing a chicken suit in the commercial.

I guess knife throwing isn't one of those "learn by doing" kinda things. I might be going to jail guys.

I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

Being a procrastinator with OCD means that I do nothing over and over and over again.