Funny Status Ideas

Like a good chef, I'd probably be one of those pharmacists who enjoy sampling their work. Y'know, to make sure it's good for the customer...

Nothing says "Do not trust this local bank." like a man wearing a chicken suit in the commercial.

I guess knife throwing isn't one of those "learn by doing" kinda things. I might be going to jail guys.

I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

Being a procrastinator with OCD means that I do nothing over and over and over again.

I consider myself fairly well-spoken until I have to leave a voicemail and all of a sudden the only thing I'm fluent in is verbal diarrhea.

I feel like I'm disappointing Bear Grylls every time I flush the toilet.