Funny Status Ideas

Thinking no one is home, a robber breaks into a house, finding the owners in bed watching TV. "What's your name?" he says menacingly to the wife at gunpoint. E-E-Elizabeth," she says. This is your lucky day,he says. I can't shoot anyone named Elizabeth, that was my mom's name. He turns to the husband. What's your name? My name's Harry, but everyone calls me Elizabeth.

"Jesus Chris" is what I'm wriing from now on. If he were to ever come back, I doub he'd want to see ANYHING that resembled a cross.

When Vanna White dies her family will receive a lot of touching letters.

Relationships should never be more complicated than a secret handshake.

I know you're not a baby but it'd be weird to stroke your back while you cry saying "Aw, its gonna be alright full grown adult"

Sad to see Borders closing. It was a neat place to hang out before going home and buying books off Amazon.

I just figured out why I'm overweight! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "For extra volume and body". I'm going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says " Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".