Funny Status Ideas

You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.

Ladies. What's with smelling like different fruits all the time? Do you see men eating a lot of fruit? ...try barbecue sauce

Stop taking the little things for granted. If Super Mario ever saw just half of what you were dumping in that Coinstar™ he'd crap his pants.

Firstly, Amy Winehouse is dead. Everyone is saying she's in the 27 club, but I beg to differ. She is in no way a Cobain/Morrison/Hendrix.

If Voldemort is such a powerful wizard, why can’t he conjure up a new nose?

The sign in the grocery store inviting me to 'grab a Red Box tonight' probably took me to a different place than what they had intended.

The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem.