Funny Status Ideas

Let’s hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those bastards.

Easy on the makeup ladies. I don't mind giving you a hug, but I do mind looking like I just cleaned a pottery wheel with only my chest.

If I'm going to obey "Love thy neighbor," I need to move.

Since it's the thought that counts I'll just keep on thinking about doing exercise.

I want to wear glasses just so I can take them off and rub my eyes with my palms in exasperation when someone says something stupid.

The last time there were sparks in my bedroom the wife was watching The Food Network and drooled on the electric blanket.

Seeing talk of Brett Favre returning reminds me of the horror movie villain that keeps coming back after you think they are finished off.