Funny Status Ideas

If I'm going to obey "Love thy neighbor," I need to move.

Since it's the thought that counts I'll just keep on thinking about doing exercise.

I want to wear glasses just so I can take them off and rub my eyes with my palms in exasperation when someone says something stupid.

The last time there were sparks in my bedroom the wife was watching The Food Network and drooled on the electric blanket.

Seeing talk of Brett Favre returning reminds me of the horror movie villain that keeps coming back after you think they are finished off.

You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.

Ladies. What's with smelling like different fruits all the time? Do you see men eating a lot of fruit? ...try barbecue sauce