Funny Status Ideas

Credit cards are a nice little gimmick that lets you start at the bottom and dig yourself in to a hole.

Me: Crazy retweets just now! Mom: What are those? Me: Someone tweeting my stuff to their followers. Mom: Ask for a ReJobResume...

My boyfriend got really excited when I brought handcuffs into the bedroom but after 3 weeks shackled to the bedpost the novelty has faded.

I bet a lot of people die when there's a fire in China. They don't exactly have the best drill.

They only call them yoga pants because watch netflix instant and eat leftovers pants was too long

I'm an exceptional mother of 1. Too bad I have 3.

Hate mopping? Get a dog and sprinkle parmesan cheese on your floors.