Funny Status Ideas

What I hate about pasta is how they change the shape and act like it's a different food. I'm out to expose the fraud.

If you strangle a smurf, what color do they turn?

Getting run over by a truck hauling organic food will be the closest I get to dying of natural causes.

I really need a nephew so I have an excuse to watch Sesame Street and play with these Ninja Turtles.

What if God had created barbecue sauce on the fourth day? Do you think Adam's rib would have become Eve or lunch instead?

Credit cards are a nice little gimmick that lets you start at the bottom and dig yourself in to a hole.

Me: Crazy retweets just now! Mom: What are those? Me: Someone tweeting my stuff to their followers. Mom: Ask for a ReJobResume...