Funny Status Ideas

If you ask me, "sliced bread" is a pretty low bar for greatness.

#I #wish #I #knew #how #to #hashtag #correctly

I fear that the next time we will see this level of cooperation in Congress, there will be a giant asteroid involved.

What the heck needed cutting so urgently that people were running with scissors in the first place?

Man, I'm getting fat. I don't know how eating all this food is helping those starving kids in Africa but I'm doing my part.

Whenever I feel like I need to get my stuff together, I remember that MTV is 3 months older than me and still hangs out with 12-year-olds.

A Dunkin Donuts employee in Rockaway was arrested for hooking during her shifts. Still, I'll be avoiding the creme filled donuts for now.