Funny Status Ideas

Since M. Night Shyamalan's all about movies that end with a twist, he should just make a movie that viewers enjoy.

An autobiography without punctuation is a life sentence

Ladies, do you like the strong, silent type? Then you'll love my farts.

We didn't default! I haven't been this excited about averting a voluntary disaster since the time I didn't stick my hand in a paper shredder.

Every year, the day before my wedding anniversary, I celebrate the anniversary of when I was last right about anything.

Thanks to pot, every picture I've taken with my photographic memory is blurry and out of focus.

Who named Trojan condoms? The Trojan Horse entered through the city gates, broke open, and loads of little guys came out and messed up everyone's day.