Funny Status Ideas

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat and not blood.

Today's paycheck has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes story.

I'd like to give a shout-out to all my visually impaired friends out there : :. .: :.: .!!

Just called Rosetta Stone customer service and had to press 47 for English.

Before I tweet I pause for a millisecond. Then think "screw it" and press the send button. Thank God I'm not in charge of missiles.

Karate seems like a good skill to have if you're ever attacked by a stack of boards.

Can we really afford another economic crisis? Can't we just use one of the old ones?