Funny Status Ideas

Tomorrow I'm calling a guy who interviewed me 5 years ago asking where I saw myself in 5 years to let him know that I was wrong.

When men don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine. When women don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?

I've heard of women that aren't crazy, but I've also heard of unicorns.

Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

If accounts on every social media site have taught me anything it's that I'm so glad my family doesn't know my username.

Taught my son a few pickup lines. His favorites were, "Built Ford Tough" and "Like A Rock".