Funny Status Ideas

I'd like to give a shout-out to all my visually impaired friends out there : :. .: :.: .!!

Just called Rosetta Stone customer service and had to press 47 for English.

Before I tweet I pause for a millisecond. Then think "screw it" and press the send button. Thank God I'm not in charge of missiles.

Karate seems like a good skill to have if you're ever attacked by a stack of boards.

Can we really afford another economic crisis? Can't we just use one of the old ones?

I want to date a bellboy cos I need a guy who's used to lugging around heavy baggage.

If you stole a cigarette from your dad and he made you smoke a whole pack while he watched, I hope he never caught you stealing a playboy.