Funny Status Ideas

Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you, because drugs are expensive these days

I once woke up next to a beautiful girl and thought 'Yes!' only to have her wake up, see me and mutter 'Thats it, No more drinking for me!'

It's hard to believe the US is in that bad an economic situation when people are still buying toilet training kits for cats from SkyMall.

I wish I could have as much fun making money as I do spending it.

BREAKING: eBay has downgraded the United States's feedback rating to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++ GREAT SELLER!!!!!

If you're having trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Not taking Standard and Poor's seriously until they downgrade Ke$ha to Ke¢ha.