Funny Status Ideas

I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

‪If we are ever in a situation where I am the voice of reason, then we are in a very very bad situation. ‬

If you really believe the media is fake news, eat a nice bouquet of Romaine lettuce.

I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad! No, he wasn't a millionaire, but he always wanted to be.

The first rule of procrastination club will be covered in the next meeting.

You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...

You know you are old when people start telling you how young you look.