Funny Status Ideas

Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them. It's a thankless job.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

You know something I find funny? Paintings of Adam and Eve with belly buttons. Think about it.

The biggest mistake a married man can make, is correctly loading the dishwasher.

Now that I'm older, I'd kill to be grounded to my room for a week.