Funny Status Ideas

I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them. It's a thankless job.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

You know something I find funny? Paintings of Adam and Eve with belly buttons. Think about it.

The biggest mistake a married man can make, is correctly loading the dishwasher.

Now that I'm older, I'd kill to be grounded to my room for a week.

Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you, because drugs are expensive these days

I once woke up next to a beautiful girl and thought 'Yes!' only to have her wake up, see me and mutter 'Thats it, No more drinking for me!'