Funny Status Ideas

I've gotten the HOPELESS part down pat. Now I'm ready for the ROMANTIC phase to begin!

Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. I was born with a rusty fork in my butt.

It still amazes me that you need a license to catch a fish but any twit can be a parent.

I have trust issues because I know some of you are still "it" from unfinished tag games.

I'm pulling my money from the stock market and investing it in "bounce houses." They have fewer ups and downs and more stability.

Hey Jack, Jumping over a candlestick isn't all that impressive. The cow jumped over the freaking moon.

I'd hate to be working at a drive-thru at all, but even more if I had to take an order from Eddie Vedder.