Funny Status Ideas

I'm not so much anti-social as I am pro-being left alone.

My wife said she feels safe when I'm next to her in bed. I was surprised because our neighbors always scream after I snuggle up to them.

Women may be the only thing that are easier to pick up as they get heavier.

What the heck are we doing?! We're adults. We have the ability to eat pizza for EVERY MEAL!

A: People. Q: What stops you from being a people person?

There is NO WAY that Bert and Ernie are gay. They haven't changed their outfits in 25 years.

If tomatoes are fruit, isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?