Funny Status Ideas

Autocorrect can kiss my ask!

It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.

I want to be treated like a queen. Just not Marie Antoinette.

Shouldn't cow udders be called moobs?

I bet if Bigfoot and Waldo ever tried to play hide-and-seek, the world would explode.

I bet if a bike helmet and a condom met at a cocktail party they'd instantly become friends. "We're good ideas. Why does no one like us?"

Man: A creature made at the end of the workweek when God was tired.