Funny Status Ideas

Smokey the Bear says that only you can prevent forest fires. Don't know which one of you he's talking to, but your doing a crappy job so far

What kind of sick bastard figured out that you can make a cake out of carrots?

My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks taste like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad.

Thinking about moving to London so my other arm will get a tan too.

Having one child makes you a parent. Having two makes you a referee.

Actions speak louder than words but no one understood my interpretive dance and I had to get the salt shaker myself.

Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?