Funny Status Ideas

Would it be considered ironic that "camo" print actually makes rednecks stand out in society?

If I ever have kids, I'll tell them the Tooth Fairy is a mail-in operation, and then pretend to get angry when the check never arrives.

Ugh the wifi is so slow today! It's so frustrating! My neighbor should really do something about this!

After the third time he yelled "IT'S A TRAP" to a girl at the bar it became abundantly clear that Admiral Akbar was an awful wing man.

I'm at a fancy posh restaurant in Los Angeles and this waiter is trying to tuck my napkin down my pants. GOD I HOPE HE'S A WAITER!

I'm going to invent a GPS for kids that says, "We're not there yet", "We're not there yet", "We're not there yet"...

Judging by the disproportionate size of Popeye's forearms, I'm guessing Olive Oyl didn't put out much.