Funny Status Ideas

Marriage = Betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever.

The shaking from the earthquake today on the east coast was convenient because I had just finished peeing.

WTF is it with signs on cars that say "FOR SALE BY OWNER"? You mean to say I could've sold my neighbor's piece of crap parked out front?

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".

"Hahaha look at those East Coast idiots freaking out over a little earthquOH MY GOD IS THAT A SLIGHT SNOW FLURRY????" -California

The toxicology report confirmed once and for all that there actually was blood in Amy Winehouse's alcohol system.

No matter how many college degrees you have, there's a little British kid that sounds way smarter than you when they speak.