Funny Status Ideas

My only requirement for a best friend is that they promise to show up and delete my browser history the minute I die.

The letters T and G are really close on a keyboard. Related: I'm never ending a work email with "Regards" again.

You'd think Tigger and Eeyore would have traded some of their meds

Lil' Wayne has four children at the age of 28 and T.I has six at the age of 30. I think it's safe to say these guys aren't wrappers.

I was making fun of hipsters before making fun of hipsters was cool.

When people tell me to put 2 and 2 together, I tell them "That's 22. It's only 4 when you add them." Then they walk away defeated.

Every time someone gets "unlimited talk" on their phone, that means some poor soul is doing unlimited listening.