Funny Status Ideas

WTF is it with signs on cars that say "FOR SALE BY OWNER"? You mean to say I could've sold my neighbor's piece of crap parked out front?

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".

"Hahaha look at those East Coast idiots freaking out over a little earthquOH MY GOD IS THAT A SLIGHT SNOW FLURRY????" -California

The toxicology report confirmed once and for all that there actually was blood in Amy Winehouse's alcohol system.

No matter how many college degrees you have, there's a little British kid that sounds way smarter than you when they speak.

Wanna get some amusement today? Tell your mom to make sure she rewinds that DVD before she puts it away.

Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.