Funny Status Ideas

You'd think Tigger and Eeyore would have traded some of their meds

Lil' Wayne has four children at the age of 28 and T.I has six at the age of 30. I think it's safe to say these guys aren't wrappers.

I was making fun of hipsters before making fun of hipsters was cool.

When people tell me to put 2 and 2 together, I tell them "That's 22. It's only 4 when you add them." Then they walk away defeated.

Every time someone gets "unlimited talk" on their phone, that means some poor soul is doing unlimited listening.

Marriage = Betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever.

The shaking from the earthquake today on the east coast was convenient because I had just finished peeing.