Funny Status Ideas

I really don't understand why I can't have a unicorn on my fantasy football team.

When a guy calls a girl "doll" is the correct response to call him an "action figure"?

If they call diarrhea the "runs", why don't they call constipation the "stop"?

When the earthquake hit DC, the only person who didn't panic was Monica Lewinsky. She was already underneath a desk.

Don't tell us about that crappy song that's stuck in your head because that means it's stuck in our heads now too, you monster.

My only requirement for a best friend is that they promise to show up and delete my browser history the minute I die.

The letters T and G are really close on a keyboard. Related: I'm never ending a work email with "Regards" again.