Funny Status Ideas

Her: "I look good today. All the men have been staring at me all day." Me: "People stare at horrific car crashes, too."

Why would anyone become a meteorologist when we've got perfectly good computer models that are never right?

Trail mix containing chocolate is just a deconstructed candy bar.

I was having a great day until it hit me that The Situation has already made more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. How's your day?

"Good morning!" is usually the first lie of my day.

There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas.

I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours screaming and kept crapping my pants.