Funny Status Ideas

Roses are red. Facebook is blue. No mutual friends. Who the hell are you?

Squirrels. Tiny parachutes. Slingshot. Weekend planned.

You say "restraining order", I say "long distance relationship."

You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.

I'm holding out hope that one day an email marked "FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: MUST READ!" will, in fact, be a must read.

Just past my English exam.