Funny Status Ideas

I am not sure NSFW should apply here, because I am not convinced anyone on twitter actually works.

If I were a teenage babysitter today making money, I would resent it when I grow up and have to raise my own kids for free.

Preparing for the worst, keeping buckets handy & filling the bathtub w/ water so I can flush the toilet. What hurricane? Mexican for dinner.

That guy is such a douchebag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!" - women

I bet there'd be a lot more murders if we could see farts.

Roses are red. Facebook is blue. No mutual friends. Who the hell are you?

Squirrels. Tiny parachutes. Slingshot. Weekend planned.