Funny Status Ideas

Remember that being called weird is like being called Limited Edition. Meaning you're something people don't see that often.

At the dentist and they've left me all alone. They've also gotten really good at hiding the nitrous. :(

There were so many substance abusers at last night's VMAs that Dr. Drew taped an entire season of "Celebrity Rehab" from the audience.

Go ahead and name your daughter Kirsten. We'll switch the i and r in our minds anyway.

When I was a kid the worst thing you could say to another kid was "YOUR MOM!". I still use it, but only on my kids.

A siamese twin fight: I'd pay to see that.

Congrats to Jay Z on his 100th problem.