Funny Status Ideas

Do NFL players have "fantasy office worker leagues"?

Fact: Heat makes objects expand. So there you have it, I'm not overweight, I'm just overheated.

I don’t think I have a problem!” is the only response to anyone suggesting you might have one.

I'd be calmer defusing a bomb after four Red Bulls than watching my parents use my laptop.

Political candidates should be made to wear NASCAR suits so we can tell who their sponsors are.

I think I might be an amazing pro baseball player stuck in the body of a chubby Internet dork.

You're having a bad day when the playful and happy phrase; "Pull my finger," is followed by the horrified shriek; "Oh my god, get a towel!"