Funny Status Ideas

The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.

I'll bet Chinese alphabet soup is very filling.

How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?

If you define "mad" as lacking reason and appearing somewhat deranged then yes, I have "mad" flirting skills.

Sitting at a wake and really wishing I had taken ventriloquism lessons at some point in life.

Believe me, I HATE littering. But I do it anyway because I might be providing a Hermit Crab his dream home.