Funny Status Ideas

I've learned I can put an end to close talkers by sneaking in for a quick kiss.

When I look in the mirror, I'm vaguely confused as to how the hell that sexy beast is made from my parents genes.

The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

To watch a reality show about a restaurant is to realize how much chef's head-sweat you've eaten in your life.

This is the first lie I have ever told.

The Dr. wanted a mid-stream urine sample. I never imagined there could be layers.

Don’t run from the police, you’ll just go to jail tired.