Funny Status Ideas

Plenty of fishes in the sea, I just suck at fishing.

What if Hello Kitty is actually Hero Kitty in Japan and we're just being presumptuous with our pronunciation?

Are you SURE you hung up the phone before you started trashing the person you were just talking to?" -- My brain, being a jerk

I hate meeting new people, they're all like crying and covered in placenta and stuff.

Thinking of visiting the Alzheimer's wing of the nursing home and pretending to be everyone's grandson again for the free hugs.

Watching Hugh Hefner have sex must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm.

Here's a note I left myself last night, for today: "Look at your to-do lists from Thu - Sun. Now actually do that stuff."