Funny Status Ideas

Dear my favorite band, don't taunt with emails about how you're performing in Singapore. I live here, where you're not performing.

When I was a little kid I thought a bearded lady was a mythical creature only found at the circus, now I get to work with 3 of them.

The worst fate I can wish upon my enemies is that they get a sudden bout of diarrhea while on stilts.

Need to kill a few hours? Give someone with OCD a bowl of Alphabet Soup.

When I am bored I like to call random numbers and leave a message that says "I love you too"

I hate when my variety pack of Band-Aids runs low and I have to make sure that any cuts I get fit the remaining sizes.

I don't see dead people, I just see people that I wish were dead.