Funny Status Ideas

The worst fate I can wish upon my enemies is that they get a sudden bout of diarrhea while on stilts.

Need to kill a few hours? Give someone with OCD a bowl of Alphabet Soup.

When I am bored I like to call random numbers and leave a message that says "I love you too"

I hate when my variety pack of Band-Aids runs low and I have to make sure that any cuts I get fit the remaining sizes.

I don't see dead people, I just see people that I wish were dead.

I've learned I can put an end to close talkers by sneaking in for a quick kiss.

When I look in the mirror, I'm vaguely confused as to how the hell that sexy beast is made from my parents genes.