Funny Status Ideas

Coffee helps me do the stupid stuff people make me do all day and beer helps me forget the stupid stuff people made me do all day.

The great thing about having an American boyfriend is every time I make a spelling mistake I just tell him it's 'British English.'

I don't understand my kids...I bought them their own computer and internet access. And yet they spend free time outside. DNA testing soon.

I wouldn't be a bum for long because I'd have clever phrases on my cardboard signs like: "WILL NOT WORK FOR FOODIES" or "I'M KIND OF A BEG DEAL"

Truthfully, women carry Kleenex so just in case we run into Quentin Tarantino we can make him blow his nose and stop talking like that.

"MON MON MON!" - rastafarian cookie monster.

Sci-fi fans who use Star Wars references for real life situations are single virgins because they're looking for love in Alderaan places.