Funny Status Ideas

I don't understand my kids...I bought them their own computer and internet access. And yet they spend free time outside. DNA testing soon.

I wouldn't be a bum for long because I'd have clever phrases on my cardboard signs like: "WILL NOT WORK FOR FOODIES" or "I'M KIND OF A BEG DEAL"

Truthfully, women carry Kleenex so just in case we run into Quentin Tarantino we can make him blow his nose and stop talking like that.

"MON MON MON!" - rastafarian cookie monster.

Sci-fi fans who use Star Wars references for real life situations are single virgins because they're looking for love in Alderaan places.

Women with dreadlocks are my best chance to ever get married due to their obvious long-term commitment to awful decisions.

I hope someone will document at least one girl's evolution from "Toddlers & Tiaras" to "Teen Mom" to "Intervention" to "Hoarders."