Funny Status Ideas

Nothing boosts my self esteem more than being around people who think they're better than me.

The only reason I have sunglasses is so that I can put them on after I say something awesome.

If you can read this, thank a teacher! If you can do busy work for an hour or watch a weird, unrelated video, thank a substitute teacher!

I like to leave piles of sawdust on playgrounds with a note that just says "Pinocchio."

I don't do a lot of good deeds, but when I walk past a well, I always stop and make sure there's not a kid stuck down there.

Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.

When you compliment a woman, never end the sentence with "today." They'll turn that around on you. "So I don't look good EVERY day?"