Funny Status Ideas

I can never quite get over the irony of people fighting for the parking bay closest to the front door of the gym.

Whenever I try to make "eggs over easy", I break the yolk. Henceforth, I am calling them "eggs over difficult".

When someone asks, "Can I be honest?" before saying something, you have to wonder what the hell they're doing the rest of the time.

I judge the authenticity of a Chinese restaurant based on the number of typos on the menu.

Falling asleep? Cool. Hey I need to pee like immediately." - my body, every day

"Hold your breath it gets better." - Aladdin/David Carradine.

You'd think after all these years that Warner Brothers would hire a speech therapist for Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig.