Funny Status Ideas

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

There's a 99% chance that you're awesome. Act like it.

Saw a CNN story titled, "Is Sex Advice In 'Transformers 3' Better Than Nothing?" Turned off my computer. Lit my journalism degree on fire.

Women shouldn't have children after forty. Because, really, forty children should be enough.

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If I had a dollar for every time my dad questioned my sexuality, I could afford an island, and a fabulous collection of designer handbags.

I wish I had three hands so that I could flip people off inside of air quotes.