Funny Status Ideas

Just saw an old pic of my pregnant mom standing by a microwave with a cigarette in one hand & a beer in the other. Which explains EVERYTHING!

Next time you think you're not cool enough, think about how "cool" grandmas are gonna look with "tramp stamps" down the road.

Trust me, don't play Twister with someone who has a prosthetic leg, you'll never win.

Men are the best cooks Because with 2 eggs, 1 sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months.

Drag racing is just dudes running in dresses, right?

I'm convinced when squirrels run the road, nearly missing your car, it must be some kind of squirrel gang initiation.

"An eye for an eye" would make a world full of pirates.