Funny Status Ideas

In Capitalism, Man exploits Man. In Communism, it's the other way around.

It's not a popular superpower, but the ability to bleed from your ears on command would be a good way to get out of a lot of conversations.

Please, everyone, listen to the first 30 seconds of Ke$ha's 'Blah Blah Blah' then lower your head in a moment of silence for my generation.

My mother in law asked me to join her LinkedIn network, which pretty much means I have to stay away from the entire internet for the rest of my life.

With all the technology today, how is it possible that the "mullets make you look like a total tool" message has not made it to all people?

I'm gonna offer my boss some of my Top Ramen everyday until he feels sorry for me and gives me a raise.

The world's most masculine conversations are by two men holding expensive purses while their women are shopping.