Funny Status Ideas

Time to go grocery shopping. Just fed the kids peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches...on hot dog buns.

Based on the amount of sugar and cream I put in my morning coffee, "melted coffee-flavored milkshake" is probably a better description.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

The only way I'm going to make a mark on the world is if I take a Sharpie to a globe.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

I wonder where they find these people who have no clue that they can walk into a grocery store and buy a Klondike bar for $2.

Don't get too excited if someone says your looks could stop traffic. A homeless man taking a dump in the middle of the street stops traffic.