Funny Status Ideas

At least a zombie would love me for my brain.

If one human year equals seven dog years, shouldn't we be singing happy birthday to them every 52 days?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

I was being sincere when I told my friends their baby looks like a movie star I just failed to mention that the kid looks like E.T.