Funny Status Ideas

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

The only way I'm going to make a mark on the world is if I take a Sharpie to a globe.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

I wonder where they find these people who have no clue that they can walk into a grocery store and buy a Klondike bar for $2.

Don't get too excited if someone says your looks could stop traffic. A homeless man taking a dump in the middle of the street stops traffic.

In Capitalism, Man exploits Man. In Communism, it's the other way around.

It's not a popular superpower, but the ability to bleed from your ears on command would be a good way to get out of a lot of conversations.